My World

 

“Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.”

 

The life blood of the heart flows from season to season, sometimes changing external circumstances in the process, sometimes changing only the inner landscape of hopes, wishes, and dreams in order to conform to the process of inner growth. Where one is already embarked upon a conscious spiritual path, these changes will happen with greater awareness...

 

 

Clarity...Now that's something to think about....

A friend of mine...well, let me start over...A Dear Friend of Mine whom I have come to know in a way of no other before wrote a statement about "Clarity" which got me thinking. Clarity....now thats a word to roll around your tongue for a while.

"Deep" I guess is the word to explain this thought...so, what a surprise. Me, myself...the pisces, the fish swimming in circles for the most part of my life and usually ending up back in the same direction I was trying to get away from. Ever try swimming upstream???  Damn, it's hard, takes alot out of you and completely makes you wonder..."Is this all worth it?" MOST DEFINATELY...the best clarity I have ever been able to experience!!

There's so much Clarity to be found if only you can look close enough. "Exclusive Clarity"...now that's a short phrase for thought. Coffee and Clarity?? Even better...for the comfort drink of my pleasure, which is coffee, and the better the taste of coffee when sharing a moment with someone incredible. Such clarity I have seen for he has made the clarity clear as the stars on a summers night....and for clarity...I Thank You!!!

 

 

 Life is beautiful only if you know how to make it that way.

 

 I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.  ~Henry David Thoreau, 1854

 

Only in quiet waters do things mirror themselves undistorted. Only in a quiet mind is adequate perception of the world.  ~Hans Margolius

 

 

In Time Of Daffodils

in time of daffodils(who know

the goal of living is to grow)

forgetting why,remember how

  in time of lilacs who proclaim

the aim of waking is to dream,

 remember so (forgetting seem)

 in time of roses(who amaze our

now and here with paradise)

forgetting if, remember yes

in time of all sweet things beyond

whatever mind may comprehend,

remember seek (forgetting find)

 and in a mystery to be (when time

from time shall set us free)

forgetting me, remember me.

 

 

Strange

Motionless, translucent a simple heart
Whose pieces become scattered to the ground,
At once I seem to find
Remnants of a soul in the lost and found.

And so it begins again and again
To set forth through another day,
Faces are strange and voices unfamiliar 

Who wants to be nice, naïve and beautiful anyway?
- Dee

 

 

Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.

It is easy to be negative about past mistakes and unhappiness. But it is much more healing to look at ourselves and our past in the light of experience, acceptance, and growth.

Our past is a series of lessons that advance us to higher levels  of living and loving. The relationships we entered, stayed in, or ended taught us necessary lessons.

Some of us have emerged from the most painful circumstances with strong insights about who we are and what we want. Our mistakes? Necessary. Our frustrations, failures, and sometimes stumbling attempts at growth and progress? Necessary too.  Each step of the way, we learned. We went through exactly the experiences we need to, to become who we are today.

Each step of the way, we progressed. Is our past a mistake?  No.The only mistake we can make is mistaking that for the truth.

Today, God, help me let go of negative thoughts I may be harboring about my past circumstances or relationships. I can accept, with gratitude, all that has brought me to today.

I'm Still trying

            The philosophy of mine earth can be summed up as this: 

Sunshine creates happiness, and I create myself.  Nights are long and life is predominantly good.  Wind is refreshing.  Tea is wisdom.  Do the best you

can, and be good to yourself so that you can above all be good to others. 

 

Hope

In my hand and heart beneath the seed of all my soul he gave

The tangled webs and twisted souls slowly become undone,

I lay my face upon my lover’s chest there I deemed amongst

the hope so fair

And with his slowing hand he caressed the night straight in to

the rising sun.

Such a magical web of colors brilliant and gay I delight

Shadows of the world slowly visible begin to appear,

Music highlights the entrance of faith that crosses the night

They sparkle down as a lantern bright and clear.

Shreds of my faith easily torn had once sealed my fears

To a distant place where no one was or even knew,

Trials and tribulations running rampant as the driving rain

into the night

And the chilling down pour that cuts straight through.

The story is as old as the Ancient Pines themselves

Their songs blown in the wind takes on the sound of Spanish

lullabies’,

Told and repeated through generations the pines again and again

For only ears that listen can hear their breath, exhales and sighs.

On a darkened night a flame of trust and truth burns at last

Which burns deep within my humbled heart,

Shrouded by the frustrations concealing my eyes and made

quiet amongst the tears

For my life as I knew it just crumbled and fell apart.

Steadfast and upright through the gasps for breath and strength

I take solace for above me hangs among the crescent moon,

The stars where the heart can glide amongst them

And the rays of hope come streaming and there begins to bloom.

~D.Smith

 So....I can't help but to wonder what it is that makes people do the things

they do and say....or don't do and don't say!!!
Have you ever considered the possibility that tomorrow may not be here for us?? Has anyone ever really, truly stopped to realize, through their day to day life, idol chat, meaningless neglect of ourselves and others...that time is precious.

Time ticks away...time waits for no one. The older I get the more I

 take notice to the people who make an effort and those who only talk about it or talk about others faults...according to them.. though they see not what or who which has made a person the way they are.
The crosses people bear are seldom in plain sight.
So, we take charge of Judging someone elses life, personality, faults so on and so forth and shamefully not realizing that we haven't stopped long enough to think about our own faults. Can you ever imagine what it would be like to walk a mile in someone else shoes??? It's not possible. So , therefore it is not possible for us to understand someone elses nature...right???? Wrong!
I hold a lot of faith in these words: Stop having a measuring rod for other people. There is always one fact more in every man's case which we know nothing. - Romans 2:17-20 Do not condemn the judgment of another

because it differs from your own.

You may both be wrong. ~Dandemis
The crosses I bear are seldom in plain sight.
There is a fine line between wrong and right. What is wrong? What is right??

Who holds the answer and who has the right to dictate to someone else what is wrong and what is right??? Is it about morals...ethics...Sincerity...religion????
The tendency to turn human judgments into divine commands makes religion one of the most dangerous forces in the world. Just because you don't believe in a decision, idea or way of life does not mean it is wrong. It may be wrong to you; however...who are you to second guess that decision which is made by another and who are you to say to someone that it does not constitute a good Catholic or Christian or Baptist...so on and so forth.
The things we do in order to survive are entirely up to us as long as we are not hurting anyone. As long as there is a sense of comfort within ourselves then who are we to Judge??? Judge not lest ye shall not be judged.
It's unfortunate that we look at the worst in people and fail to see the good. The blessings that they can bring to our lives and other people's lives go unseen.... how sad.
I guess you have to experience something first hand to see for yourself. I guess as time goes by and we all begin to see the clear picture that life is not all rosey and sweet smelling all the time. It's called maturing, being mature enough to realize how important people are regardless of what your opinions are...seeing for yourself that maybe something, somewhere along the path of their lives made them who they are today...there's a reason for everything. Judgments prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances...what it may appear like to you...may not appear the same to someone else. ~ D .Smith

 

Motionless, translucent a simple heart
Whose pieces become scattered to the ground,
At once I seem to find
Remnants of a soul in the lost and found.

And so it begins again and again
To set forth through another day,
Faces are strange and voices unfamiliar
Who wants to be nice, naïve and beautiful anyway.

- D. Smith 

 

Don't be afraid to give your best to what seemingly are small jobs.  Every time you conquer one it makes you that much stronger.  If you do the little jobs well, the big ones will tend to take care of themselves. 

 ~Dale Carnegie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One summer night, out on a flat headland, all but surrounded by the waters of the bay, the horizons were remote and distant rims on the edge of space.  Millions of stars blazed in darkness, and on the far shore a few lights burned in cottages.  Otherwise there was no reminder of human life.  My companion and I were alone with the stars:  the misty river of the Milky Way flowing across the sky, the patterns of the constellations standing out bright and clear, a blazing planet low on the horizon.  It occurred to me that if this were a sight that could be seen only once in a century, this little headland would be thronged with spectators.  But it can be seen many scores of nights in any year, and so the lights burned in the cottages and the inhabitants probably gave not a thought to the beauty overhead; and because they could see it almost any night, perhaps they never will.  ~Rachel Carson
 

“For me, in a very general way it has just become this metaphor for an open-ended, spiritual journey. I'm not a religious person, but as you age, there is sort of a heightened spiritual awareness where you value friends more and each day ... more as a gift that you are given to use in some effective way. So, I have consciously sought (to create) images that have boats in them, never knowing how they are going to end up.”

Taking time out for yourself is good. Go outside work in the yard, visit true friends, or go to a movie. Life can be wonderful if you let it

 

 Watch your silence. You could be condoning to something which is worth condemning. "Silence is safer than speech."??-----not always!

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue.  Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them.  And the point is, to live everything.  Live the questions now.  Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, and live along some distant day into the answer.  ~Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

 

People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself.  But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates.

 

All that we send into the lives of others comes back into our own.

Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared is doubled.

The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof.

 

 

 

 "Daffodils" (1804)

By William Wordsworth (1770-1850)

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed--and gazed--but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

 

 Of You

Aromatic breezes grace the day
Skies of blue
Soft blown clouds cascade above me
I am content.
I awake to the sounds of new morn’ in bloom

I am warm and feel the light upon my skin
The coffee brewed and waiting
I think of you. ~ Dee 

 

The hours I spend with you I look upon as sort of a perfumed garden, a dim twilight, and a fountain singing to it. You and you alone make me feel that I am alive. Other men it is said have seen angels, but I have seen thee and thou art enough.

 

 

 

 

For all practical purposes of living in this world as it is
We gave all yet asked for little in return
The imaginative, yet idealistic part of me
Envisions love largely as the art of persistence.

True love is a discipline
In which each divines the secret self of the other
Whispered so beyond the misted curtains screening this world from that
And where mind and spirit resonates as one.

- Dee

The kaleidoscope of colour which is my life, shows the interesting choices I've made along the way. 

 

Thoughts

I have been thinking a lot about my line of work. Thoughts...random and spontaneous at times (sometimes too much). I sit here with a hot cup of Earl Grey tea with honey and 2 books in front of me. These 2 books were given to me by an amazing woman. The woman I speak of is a woman I use to take care of every day. She is an author, a writer of poetry all written by her hand. Created from her deep soul and heart felt moments and memories in and about her life. Those she has loved and whom are now gone from her including the most precious treasure of all...her husband, partner, lover and friend.
Hmmm....lately I have  debated whether or not I can keep up with the work. It's not the keeping up part I mean , but the part of being that deals with the end and the finality of it all. The finality of these precious lives who leave as I held their hand. These precious beings whom I have come to know and love as if they were my very own. For in a way perhaps....they are my very own. There is that fine line of professionalism and being human...how much can one human endure??? Not quite sure. Just when I think I have been pushed to my limit..... I feel a sense of being and a purpose perhaps that I have. Thanks to so many fellow nurses and friends. Whatever that purpose is...well, I guess I know personally and that should suffice and in my own way I suffer, so guess it does.
This lady, the author of these 2 books asked me if I liked poetry. Loving poetry as I do, I of course told her "Yes, I do love poetry." Together briefly we sat and talked about a few great poets....Poe, Tennyson, Emerson, the list goes on. She had asked me if I would like to read some of her poems. Of course being curious I said "I would love to." With that she handed me 2 books, closed her eyes and went to sleep. As she slept and doing my rounds to come back and check on her and the other wonderful people I care for each day I watched her sleep. Old, and gray, yet beautiful, still wanting to be seen wanting to be heard....wanting to be loved and feel love. With every right so....for at 92 years old, she has earned that right!
So....I sat in my spare time reading her words...all written to and for a certain family member, her Husband, an Aunt, her Mother, father, sons....etc...

These words are hers....
____________________________________________________________
Words

Words hold their meaning
Like a cup holds water.
I have many words
On the secret pages
Of my heart and mind:
- fondness, child, tears -
caring, hurting, tenderness-
lost, grieving, dying, loving, holding
searching, troubled, alone
-finding , cherished.
They live for me
And hold my secrets.
If I speak them aloud,
I lay my soul bare
In front of other people.
I wish I could say them.
___________________________________________________________
It is to this poem that I stopped and read again and again. The last line "I wish I could say them" struck me...not quite sure the reason to be exact. All I knew at that moment was the last line made me think.
She said to me, to never be afraid to speak what you are thinking of, or who, or feeling....speak it loud and clear because time goes by too fast and before you know it you are 92 years old and everyone you knew, loved and cherished...well, will be gone from you and the opportunities that you had will be gone in the blink of an eye and before you know it, well...it's too late. Those opportunities will not come back around again. She sat up in bed and said...hold your children and hold them close, smell their hair when they are in your arms. Hold you husband, lover and friend...be friends... laugh, talk , cry, argue, fight and make up because all the above are worth it.

So....here I sit and have been contemplating leaving the field of nursing for something else, something different. I am not so sure of what or  if I can. Also I sit here, with thoughts in my head, thinking, seeing the pictures that I have taken with my own eye. My senses realing, the scents the touches the verbal and tactile stimuli that stretches far beyond reaches and place I have ever come to know before. I know them now, I cherish them, and I adore them. I cherish He who has given that to me for he/she is beautiful.
The words that have been said , heart felt, through tears and years of love, triumph, tribulations all in the life of a beautiful 92 year old woman who has paved the way for so many generations has given me the best insight I could ever have.

So it is that words come and go, but the words that we say because they are real...needed, wanted, heart felt, moving, painful, vain, simple which ever all have a purpose, but what good are they if they are not said, if they are not heard????
My words flow easily now....their direction...well, these are to a beautiful man I have come to know, and love, adore, respect and cherish. The man whom I see standing next to 5 years, 10 years, 15 years and so on down the road. The man who I wish to hold and keep for my very own...and to my daughters... To find when my days are long and the world has been bitter. To struggle with from a world that can be so cruel. To keep safe with, to honor, and have pride in through a relationship that means something, that is worthy of fighting for....fighting to beat the odds that people can stay together for the simplicity of being loved and in loved. To tell them that they are beautiful, that they help me to feel beautiful...and most of all to tell them how loved they really are.
**********************************************************************************************************

 

Imperfect Me

here in the shadows,

its where you will see..

out in the light,

 im only a perfect reflection

of an imperfect me.

A picture of societys wish

of how I should be.

yet in reality im only that witch

life has taught me to be.

To those who are real

I am what they see.

And to those who dont mater?

they dont look to hard.. 

for fear the mirror will shatter

But here in the shadows

is where I will be

and they may look

but they will never see

for their reflection

shadows over me.

~Mark Smith